yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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