If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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