Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
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