I smell stomach acid.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
