I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
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