oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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