All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Randomize
