you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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