he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
This house was built for laser tag.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
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