i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
