Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Randomize
