I have demons in me.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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