pedialite and red bull = repair kit
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
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