Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
