if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
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