Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
You are a genius and a whore.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
