Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
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