He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
