Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
