I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Randomize
