As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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