i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Randomize
