I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Randomize
