she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Randomize
