3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
It's never too late to be topless.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Send help, water and tortillas.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Randomize
