Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
