he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
