I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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