I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
