Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Sacagawea was the original milf.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
