I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Randomize
