i love accidental penises.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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