I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
