i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
