My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Randomize
