I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
