We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Randomize
