Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
