So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
