I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
