when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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