Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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