Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
