also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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