ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
