im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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