Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
