dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
