you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
