how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
