You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
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