i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
