actually, I'm a sock model
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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