Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
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