you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
