hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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