There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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